Red Metal Pegasus Bikini
by Altaria Volante
Summary: I never, ever want to speak about what happened today again. Which Carson knew to mean that she wanted to talk about this right now.


**A/N:** Tag for 3.03 _Irresistable_

* * *

"I never, ever want to speak about what happened today again."

Carson glanced over, tiredly, knowing full well that that phrase meant that she wanted to talk about this _right now_. And probably to death. "Aye, then let's not speak of it," he answered with a yawn, settling his head back against the pillow.

Laura rolled her eyes in the dark, staring up at the ceiling because she couldn't sleep and if she couldn't sleep, then he wasn't going to get to sleep either. "Aren't you the least bit bothered by it?" she mumbled, still staring blankly at the ceiling.

Yep, right now. "I brought him here. Of course I'm bothered by it. But there's nothing I can do about it at - " He lifted his wrist and squinted to make out the numbers of his watch in the dark. " - past 1 in the morning, and he's not here, and I'm not trekking him down to do whatever cruel and vengeful thing you're currently thinking of doing to him." He dropped his hand and smiled slightly. "Even if it probably would be bloody hilarious."

"You don't even know what I'm thinking."

"But I know what you're capable of," he chuckled. "We'll send you and Ronon after him. Lad won't be able to sit for a week."

"I threw myself at him."

"_I_ threw myself at him," Carson grumbled.

"But you didn't _dance_ for him."

Carson laughed, shaking his head at the memory. "Aye, no I didn't. But you weren't the only one."

"Yeah, because Miko and Kate standing behind me twittering their little veils was oh so much company."

"You looked quite lovely."

Laura snorted at the reminder. "I was in little more than the Pegasus version of a metal bathing suit, of _course_ I looked pretty."

"Red looks very fetching on you," Carson admitted sheepishly.

"Yeah, and little to nothing looks even more fetching," she sighed, throwing an arm over her eyes in frustration. "My team was watching."

"Everyone was watching."

"That isn't something you want your all male, very Marine team to watch an oogle if you want to keep their respect!" she hissed.

"Aye, but there's nothing you could do about it," Carson countered. "And if they're foolish enough to say anything, I'll make sure that all of their shots go in their arse and _they_ won't be able to sit for a week. Although I'm quite sure that they're just as humiliated over hanging over his every word as you are."

"They didn't ask to be his wife."

"No, but I think Corporal Crockett asked if he was in the market for a husband."

Laura perked up. "Oh really now?"

"Aye," Carson chuckled. "But you didn't hear it from me."

"I was pissed he didn't ask me to be his wife," she admitted. "I mean, c'mon, I can understand asking Teyla cause, you know, it's _Teyla_. Miss I-can-kick-your-ass-six-ways-to-Sunday-and-still-look-fantastic. And ass kick and a hair flip and she's every guy's G I Jane fantasy over here. But..." she trailed off, tilting her head to fix Carson with a steely glare in the dark before she continued. "And this doesn't go beyond this bed." He nodded is agreement. "Dr. Weir? Hello, red semi-sorta metal bathing suit over here. This," she said, waving her hand down her body, "younger, tighter, blonder. Hello! Hot stuff over here!"

Carson tried not to laugh, he really did. But the irritation of not being chosen as a wife for the creepy, pheromone-using, off-world lecher… he couldn't help but laugh at her continual indignation. "I'm sorry, love," he finally got out, wiping a tear from his eye and reaching a hand over to rest on her shoulder. "I truly am. If you would've asked, I'm sure I could've arranged it. I was his bestest of friends," he added lightly, readying himself to accept the mocking from her – and only her.

"Yes, well, if you cared about me, you should've offered me up for his marital bed," Laura added with a smirk, rolling onto her side to look at him. "I can't believe you, Carson. I thought you loved me enough to marry me off to the creep from… what the hell was his planet designation again?"

"I haven't the foggiest," Carson admitted, himself turning to smile at her. "But I'll remember that for next time," he added with a wink.

Laura sighed, reaching a hand out to trace lines on his arm with her fingertips. "You're taking this remarkably well," she admitted seriously.

"I've been repeating to myself that it wasn't my fault because I wasn't thinking straight," Carson sighed. "There was nothing I could do. And I'm trying to accept that." He smiled guiltily. "And I took a wee sedative before lying down to help with that acceptance."

"I know you, you don't believe yourself for a second," she sighed. "But you did fix everything once Colonel Sheppard got you out of here," Laura added as a gentle reminder.

Carson muttered a few choice words under his breath before glaring slightly at her. "I don't want to talk about that."

"Then we can go back to the red metal bikini?"

"I'd rather talk about that," he admitted. "I'd rather _see_ that again. Private show?" he asked hopefully.

"We're not talking about the red metal bikini right now."

"But you said…"

"I lied."

"Oh," Carson sighed, slightly deflated. He'd wheedle her into a private dance soon enough. Long lines, whipping hair… she was a goddess on the dance floor…

"You're thinking about it."

Carson flushed. Caught. "Aye," he answered hesitantly. "But what's wrong with that?"

"We're not talking about it anymore tonight."

"I don't want to _talk_ about it," Carson sighed.

Laura laughed suddenly, tilting forward to plant a sweet kiss on his lips before snuggling against him, her head resting against his shoulder like she did most nights. "Good. Glad to know I still have that effect on you."

"God, woman, effect?" he sputtered. "I'd insist on it right now if it didn't mean putting _more_ clothes on you that you're currently wearing."

"Good boy," Laura chuckled, finally closing her eyes and yawning quietly. "I'll consider it for tomorrow."

"You're a fine woman, Laura Cadman."

"Yep."

"Just… don't do it until after I've had a chance to make sure Rodney burned the rest of it."

Laura paused. "He has some of it?"

"Aye, a wee bit."

"Are you insane?" she snapped. "You don't give _Rodney_ something like that!"

"I didn't give it to him," Carson sighed. "But he's promised to burn it. But not after-"

"He tried it out, didn't he?"

"Apparently."

"Who was it?"

"Colonel Sheppard."

Laura groaned, a multitude of scenarios racing through her head, and she didn't want verification on any one of them. "CO's gonna be pissed tomorrow…" she trailed off, shaking her head and snuggling back against Carson.


End file.
